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Testosterone Journal

May 9th, 2002 ___1:45 a.m.

Gave myself my first shot without any instructions, I succeeded. I do not fear needles or a challenge. Everything went well, the needle did not hurt at all. I self injected in the upper right quadrant of my right ass cheek. 100 mg testosterone cypionate. My real life has started today. Fridays are my T days. This is fucking phat as all hell. I am a happy motherfucker.

May 15th, 2002

Second shot today, went well. A little drop of blood from the spot of injection. Nothing too eventful. It feels good, to know this is gonna be the way things are for the rest of my life. Horniness levels are climbing fast, and Mae likes it! I feel calmer, more focused, not at all irritable. My body temperature feels like it is warmer. My stomach is crazy upset and acting funky. headaches and gas are still there. other than that, nothing exciting to brag about.

May 24th, 2002

gave myself shot #3. Already the mood swings are going crazy, up and down and up again. My lady is being super sweet knowing this is how I get soon after my shot. I am hoping my menses stops at this point and my voice starts to drop more drastically. Actually today my girl said she noticed a considerable voice drop in my normal range. I feel like I am talking in falsetto when I try to speak in my normal female range. My shoulders are already getting a little broad and I am horny as all hell. The libido isn't coming down any time soon which is a good thing for me but an even better thing for my girl. My face looks a tad bit broader, but nothing really to rave about.

June 7th, 2002

I skipped to update shot #5. The needle was a little dull this morning and well, it fucking hurt when I tried to inject it. Besides that, the injections are going well. Not much change in libido actually. I am still not as horny as my femme is. I will catch up I am sure. My body is changing. facial structure is definitely changing. My shoulders are massive, and dense as well as my arms and legs. My face is not as round, my cheekbones seem to be disappearing. My hips are going very quickly, but my gut is expanding a little too much I think :). Emotionally, I wig out on the second day after my shot. Dunno why, but it has happened over the last five shots. No real body hair change, though the pores on my face are definitely oppening up. There is way thicker hair coming in over my top lip so we will see where that goes. My energy is up and I am definitely stronger. I can lift things with much more ease. My job is very physical so I am not working out because I know the job helps with keeping in shape, though I have been running twice or even three times a week to help with the cardio.that is all.

June 13th, 2002

Shot #6. Nothing much has changed a great deal. My voice continues to drop. I wish I could record it. Perhaps i will look into buying a microphone. I am going to have a very deep voice. It has not settled yet into it's normal range, it certainly keeps fluctuating, but when it is fluctuating it is insane how deep I can make it go. Some chin hairs keep appearing, nothing substantial. I am just broadening up like crazy. I am not the skinny boy I thought i would be, i am one stocky motherfucker, which is good because it helps me pass. My skin keeps changing, my pores keep opening up. My arms are getting denser, my legs are getting more muscular. did I mention my voice keeps dropping? I will upload pictures in a couple of more weeks.

June 27th, 2002

skipped to shot #8 for the update. damn, I have been growing chin and mustache hair like it's my job. My legs are way harier and it is real man hair too. curly and thick and dark. it is growing in spots where I had never grown hair before so it is very exciting. I am having to shave every four days and I am finally (yuck) starting to break out. I am having some body image issues because I am gaining some belly flesh which isn;t cool with me at all. so i am starting to run more. I am trying to run between 3-5 miles three to four times a week and definitely doing some weight training too. My voice has been dropping like crazy, wicked fast. my neck is thickening, my muscles continue to get denser and denser and my libido is still rising. But for sure the increase in facial hair is the best news thus far. I will try to update every two weeks as i notice more changes. I also think i will continue the videos to record the voice changes. since i have no microphone. that's all suckas.

July 5th, 2002

shot #9. I noticed forearm hair is coming in. On the inside of my forearm tool. The thigh hair continues to grow which is awesome and strange at the same time. I noticed my hairline is changing a lot whch is interesting. My cock is still growing too, the libido stabilizes itself and then it rises again so i don't know what is going on with that. My mustache is becoming thicker, as my girl will notice a bit of a five o'clock shadow after a few days of not shaving. I am feeling more comfortable every day. I am passing about 85% of the time now, a huge improvement from before. This is all going pretty well, now if I could deal with my living situation I would be set. I started my first job as gabe, as male and it feels awesome.

July 26th, 2002

This shit is crazy. T is making me a hairy beasty boy. I am getting a massive amount of hair on my thighs now. On my calves and hamstrings i am getting hair too. I also noticed that my happy trail is now becoming a happy fucking jungle. I have many more stomach hairs, lighter and thinner in texture and color but they are there indeed. Also, finally, the hair from the inside of my thighs is coming in nice and clean. No weird patterns of hair growth yet. My hairline is thinning again, but not to the extent where I feel threatened as any sound minded man would. My libido goes up and down, but when I do have sex with my fiery woman, it is amazing. It is a totally different horniness and no one is complaining. My muscles are thickening still. i really need to get on the cardio. I definitely DO NOT need to lift for size, because though I am short, I have really large muscles inderneath this squishy layer of comfy fat. I need to work on cardiovascular stuff too because heart disease does run in my family on my father's side. My forearms are screamin' Popeye. My cheekbones have almost completely disappeared and my jawline keeps squaring off. My calves are more defined. And again the happy trail hair is now reaching my ribs and my chest. I need my chest surgery real quick. this shit is awesome, I am finally walking the path I never thought I would even find.

August 30th, 2002

I just had my 17th shot yesterday. i feel as though I have plateued somewhat. But things are still chaning. The initial changes were fun, now we get into the more subtle but ultimately more intesne changes. My body s really changing shape. My pants fir differently, my form is stronger more compact and my face is getting more angular. My sex drive is hitting a peak as well. I feel horny in a very different way than i used to. It is much more aggressive and short lived but much more intense. My partner does not mind this change at all since my libido was not terribly high to begin with. I am passing more and more but as always the environment always dicttates how well you pass regardless of how long you have been on hormones. binding has been so much easier too, the breast tissue is soften and easier to manage in terms of a tight bind which is defnintely helpful. My voice drops a bit every two weeks or so and every day i find a new sprout of hair. the hair on my innerthighs is thickening and connecting to my crotch somewhat and the back of my legs are getting hairier. My hair is coming in very high on my thighs and there is some small and light amount of back hairs coming in as well. acne has nevr beena problem for me but there are more zits appearing on my face, right along where hair will probably grow which is exciting. i think this is all for now. i will update s more things take place, but things seem to be slowing down somewhat. And I measured, and my neck thickened a full inch. WOW. And this in itself has helped my passing a whole lot.

October 17th, 2002

It's been a while, I have been busy working and getting my shit done logistically speaking. Again, there is somewhat of a plateau, but my libido is definitely on it;s way up and exploding through the roof. Very exciting for me. My orgasms are incredible, almost uncontrollable to the point where I forget to breathe, but perhaps this has more to do with my lover than T, *wink*. Body hair is increasing, especially the legs and my fore arms. My facial hair is coming in quicker and y temper has leveled out. I am way more mellow and in much brighter spirits than i ever have been. My voice has not really dropped dramatically but it has a steady movement to a lower range, so my friends say. My energy is definitely increasing and my muscles are getting more meaty. I can lift much more weight than before. My jaw is squaring out and my neck is still slowly thickening. My sexuality is jus awesome. I definitely check people out three times as much as i use to. I want sex almost all of the time and when I see a hot guy or a hot woman i do double take on them and immediately fantasize about them. It's crazy. My writing skills have been affected for sure, not as lyrical, but i am working on that.

December 2nd, 2002

My girl and I have been together for 2 years today. It's incredible. I hit my six month T mark on November 10th. My voice is still dropping, very little at a time. I am finally getting sideburn fuzz and hair underneath my chin and farther out on my mustache. I am shaving more regularly now and the hairs coming in are thicker and coarser than before. When I work out my muscles seem to get more sore, much more quickly. I have been having to stretch extensively. My joints are a but rusty but it may be from all of the fast growing muscle in those areas. My sex drive is increasing again, the agrression within the sex drve is also increasing. Sex is more animalistic than ever, though I am not saying I am not tender, or sensitive. The feeling of having to fuck is just more intense for me. My body is morphing, losing more and more hip shape along the way. I am able to increase the weights more quickly, my jawline is broadening and face is just looking more and more like a man's a opposed to a young boys. My neck is thicker and my forehead has definitely broadened and portruded more. My eyes look more inset. Also my legs have lost almost all of the fat and my quads and calves are thicker and leaner at the same time. My gut however is still a problem. I am running regularly to work on this, but the fat in the gut is different from female fat, it REALLY feels like it should NOT be there. As a female my tummy was great, soft and curvy, but as a male it really looks and feels like a useless gut. haha.Emotionally I am changing dramatically. I am way more chill and way more logical than i used to be. I space out a lot, it is as if I have become more ADD. I am even more visually stimulated than before. Pornography has been something I am into more and more lately. It is harder for me to open up and articulate stuff, and this is a difficult change for me because I was always proud of my communications skills, but it is somethig that i obviously have to be good about now, and careful that i do not word something in away that someone else might deem offensive. I honestly did not think I would change this much emotionally, so if you are pre-T and reading this, if you want to remain completely intact emotionally, DO NOT transition. I am more of a man now that I am transitioning hormonally, and I DO mean this in the sense that I am more stereotypically male in the way i process information and even the way I look at situations. I keep myself in check with my feminism and so does my partner. So keep this all in mind. I need to have my check up soon in Cleveland to check my blood levels. And chest surgery is inevitable because my chest is getting hairy. ew.